Break Free

image credit to interprizegroup.com

🎶"I want to break free. I want to break free from your lies, you're so self-satisfied I don't need you. I've got to break free. God knows I want to break free..."🎶

     This is the famous song of the equally famous band, The Queen. But no, I am not thwarting a romance nor wanting to break free from a lost love. It is something else. It is what I have been contemplating doing for years, maybe three years to be exact. But to no avail, it has been three long years and I'm still stuck with it.
     I love to talk, I love to impart knowledge, I wanted to share, I wanted to encourage especially those who did think that life is harder and seems to be no way out. In those days when I was in a different field, how I long wanted to become one of the so-called noble professions. Those were the days when the name of the profession speaks for what it is. Now being here, I have become one, in spirit and in its supposed ideals. But being on it, I have to embrace everything.. from the extra hours we put to deliver to the extra effort and fare we go through making a visit that could also endanger our lives (I have almost experienced one but my intuition got it), as well as to the extra money we put forth to make this profession adhere to its purpose.

     As years went by, the concept that once defined this profession is no longer reliable. The extra hours used up by this profession yet being underpaid added another insult to injury. Paper works, i.e., reports, documentation, forms to fill up, and an online system which to use, should come from our pocket. These reports are to be sent to higher up for budget allocation, performance evaluation, promotion, ranking, program evaluation, results, etc. All of these are being printed out and submitted on specific due dates at the hype of a cashless and paperless society brought about by information technology. Imagine the access to an online system yet it has more papers than you can imagine. The pressure and tension it gives for the additional burden to beat the deadline, and the inconsistencies of the rule in preparing forms, reports, and documents are inevitable. 

     The main responsibility of this profession is not a problem, but the additional burden of painting the system effectively plus the caprices of some people around in the hierarchy makes this profession famous for its suicidal news.
     So now as the song goes.."I want to break free.." Yes, I wanted to break myself free from all the tensions and stress it caused me. I wanted to go beyond what I am capable of. My value and principle do not adhere anymore to the profession I have chosen and I have stayed for almost 8 years. I need to do things that I should have done 3 years ago. I know myself more than anyone else, my ingenuity and resourcefulness will do it, with my touch of sensitivity and generosity, and my God.
     "I want to break free from your lies, you're so self-satisfied I don't need you." Yes, I wanted to break free from its lies, from its make-believe world. The fantasies of changing lives. The tedious paper works that need to be done in due time. All sorts of activities are related to students and schools but unrelated to the quality they may bring to the very core of their professional existence. The cover-up by each of us for the school, leaders, and system advocates to create a positive image for them just for mere financial rewards and for some who want to be promoted from their ranks (well some of them are well-deserving as we know them yet some are not, due to 'add & subtract' scheme of documents presented to earn points). The assertiveness of my spirit to stop things but I can't. Voices must be heard.
     Yes, I need it that is why I am still here because of the stability it gives but I don't need it if it causes a lot of stress and quality time for family. If worrying, anxiety, and stress can give us joy and earnings, I would be happier and richer by now. If I don't do it now, when could it be? I don't wanna have regrets later on if I won't break free. Just let me end the school year with grace and passion.. because.."I've got to break free." God knows I want to break free..."