The Woman of Fire

** image credits to tenor.com/search/fire-woman-gifs

The fire element is a symbol of love, 
desire, anger, power, strength, and assertiveness.
She represents light, life, and energy.

 The woman of fire loves to connect with other people.
She is people-oriented and skilled in working with people.
She often participates in social gatherings.

Though she is vainglorious and often argues,
she is compassionate and caring.
She is enthusiastic and can uplift someone's day.

She is quick-minded, a risk-taker, and creative. 
that makes her an efficient leader.
She has an inventive mind.

In love, she is more passionate 
than any other element.
She always takes the initiative in relationships, 
making sure to let her partner knows that she cares.

An intuitive mind who can read people.

She cannot say no to a commitment
that causes her to neglect her personal needs.
She speaks her mind without apprehension,
yet, you cannot silence her

She is a doer of things which
makes her a great leader.

The woman of fire has a pace of her own.
She exudes confidence and 
leaves others in awe of her personality.

But just like wildfire, 
she sometimes spreads chaos.
And as the fire ignites and dies,
she won't stop until
she gets bored.

Her downside
leads her to anger, arrogance, and cruelty.
 is power without restraint.

The Woman of Air

**image credit to deviantart.com/tbond5289/art/Wind-Element-320408081

She is a fantastic conversationalist, 

a great communicator.

She soaks knowledge

 from everywhere she can 

as a result of her curious behavior.

She is deeply intrigued by people 

who can keep up with her

rapid mouth.

Her relationship can be

strained by her desire 

to win all arguments.

She is so deeply connected to her mind.

Prone to overthink, 

or dip into negative 

or paranoid vibes.

She is naturally analytical

and can pick apart 

a concept, project, or person

without too much effort.

She is witty, charming,  and thoughtful. 

She is flexible and carefree

but remains independent.

Her carefree attitude 

can sway over 

into the negative side of life

though soon becomes

 flaky, unreliable, 

inconsistent, and even selfish.

She has a high standard 

of principles and

does not tolerate injustice.

She abandons traditions

without a second thought.

She doesn't like to follow trends

and likes to discover 

and do things with her own sense 

of intuition and relevance.

The Woman of Water

**image credit to brandrificus.deviantart.com

The Woman of Water element...

she has a lot of depth in her,

probably much more 

than one has to let on. 

\She likes to remain hidden, 

enigmatic, and anonymous...

She is a smooth talker 

who can diverge 

from the topic of discussion 

with ease. 

Articulate, clever, and introspective, 

self-contained and self-sufficient

that's who she is...

She prefers peace and little conflict

but has no issue standing her ground

when she is wronged. 

She can sometimes lack self-confidence

and yet come across as assertive.

She loves to tease and insult 

She can use extremely mean words 

when angry.

She has deep emotional currents, 

some can't even be explained, 

many might be intuitive. 

Despite her strong empathy, 

she cannot judge people so quickly.

She is penetrating, critical, and scrutinizing,

seeking knowledge and understanding. 

She needs to learn

 that it is okay to say no. 

Her avoidance of problems 

leaves her in more trouble

 than when she deals with them. 

That aside, 

she is seen to be full of love 

and has wonderful energy. 

She can help people relax 

and bring them back 

to a healthy state 

from a toxic one.

The Earth Woman

**image credit: deviantart.com/fahrifortyone/art/EARTH-ELEMENT-169776615

She is of the Earth element...

hardworking, genuine, 

and determined.

She knows what needs to get done.

She knows how to get a good life,

and she needs to earn it...

She is practical and logical 
and she stands firm 

in her convictions...

She is not interested

 in unrealistic dreams 
but in setting achievable goals 

attained through hard work...

She learns from experience, 
which is never difficult
 for a curious person like herself...

She has a powerful heart 
and an appreciation 
for the smaller things...

She is an artist 
and loves to create...

She could stand to be a bit less rigid 
and take a breath once in a while...

If she keeps pushing forward without a rest, 
She'll come off as intimidating to others.

She is always friendly
 yet she does not let people 
into the inner circle easily...
However... once she does
 she is loyal to a fault...

That aside, 
She is sturdy and self-efficient
 and make a reliable ally...

She is what she is
..Earth...

Break Free

image credit to interprizegroup.com

🎶"I want to break free. I want to break free from your lies, you're so self-satisfied I don't need you. I've got to break free. God knows I want to break free..."🎶

     This is the famous song of the equally famous band, The Queen. But no, I am not thwarting a romance nor wanting to break free from a lost love. It is something else. It is what I have been contemplating doing for years, maybe three years to be exact. But to no avail, it has been three long years and I'm still stuck with it.
     I love to talk, I love to impart knowledge, I wanted to share, I wanted to encourage especially those who did think that life is harder and seems to be no way out. In those days when I was in a different field, how I long wanted to become one of the so-called noble professions. Those were the days when the name of the profession speaks for what it is. Now being here, I have become one, in spirit and in its supposed ideals. But being on it, I have to embrace everything.. from the extra hours we put to deliver to the extra effort and fare we go through making a visit that could also endanger our lives (I have almost experienced one but my intuition got it), as well as to the extra money we put forth to make this profession adhere to its purpose.

     As years went by, the concept that once defined this profession is no longer reliable. The extra hours used up by this profession yet being underpaid added another insult to injury. Paper works, i.e., reports, documentation, forms to fill up, and an online system which to use, should come from our pocket. These reports are to be sent to higher up for budget allocation, performance evaluation, promotion, ranking, program evaluation, results, etc. All of these are being printed out and submitted on specific due dates at the hype of a cashless and paperless society brought about by information technology. Imagine the access to an online system yet it has more papers than you can imagine. The pressure and tension it gives for the additional burden to beat the deadline, and the inconsistencies of the rule in preparing forms, reports, and documents are inevitable. 

     The main responsibility of this profession is not a problem, but the additional burden of painting the system effectively plus the caprices of some people around in the hierarchy makes this profession famous for its suicidal news.
     So now as the song goes.."I want to break free.." Yes, I wanted to break myself free from all the tensions and stress it caused me. I wanted to go beyond what I am capable of. My value and principle do not adhere anymore to the profession I have chosen and I have stayed for almost 8 years. I need to do things that I should have done 3 years ago. I know myself more than anyone else, my ingenuity and resourcefulness will do it, with my touch of sensitivity and generosity, and my God.
     "I want to break free from your lies, you're so self-satisfied I don't need you." Yes, I wanted to break free from its lies, from its make-believe world. The fantasies of changing lives. The tedious paper works that need to be done in due time. All sorts of activities are related to students and schools but unrelated to the quality they may bring to the very core of their professional existence. The cover-up by each of us for the school, leaders, and system advocates to create a positive image for them just for mere financial rewards and for some who want to be promoted from their ranks (well some of them are well-deserving as we know them yet some are not, due to 'add & subtract' scheme of documents presented to earn points). The assertiveness of my spirit to stop things but I can't. Voices must be heard.
     Yes, I need it that is why I am still here because of the stability it gives but I don't need it if it causes a lot of stress and quality time for family. If worrying, anxiety, and stress can give us joy and earnings, I would be happier and richer by now. If I don't do it now, when could it be? I don't wanna have regrets later on if I won't break free. Just let me end the school year with grace and passion.. because.."I've got to break free." God knows I want to break free..." 

The Choices We Make

     In this life, we dreaded things we usually do. We hate the things that cause us pain, trouble, hassle, and difficulty. But the irony of it all, we are what we choose, we are the cause of our choices. 

      We are bothered by floods and landslides, yet we are the ones cutting the trees, digging the land, and throwing out garbage around without thinking. We are worried that our seas and natural resources are losing their grandeur, yet we are the ones destroying them, polluting them, and creating chaos with the balance of nature. We encountered nuisance people, yet we forget to discipline our children, listen to the elders, and even give out a smile. The choices we make are ours but the effect of these choices is for everyone to either be blessed or suffer. 

*credit image to GettyImages

    When things go wrong we tend to blame other people or God for our mishap, yet we never think for a moment that our choices made it. We tend to do things by following other people, going with the flow just because the majority of people are doing it, yet what we have to lose is our dignity and character. We have made the choice of not standing up to what is right, instead, we made a choice of doing something to make it right. There is a big difference between doing the right thing and enabling something to make the wrong things right. For all the mistakes, for all the choices we made, we sometimes have the option to make it right, but this is not always the case, one wrong choice leads to another.

  The choices we make lest we know, one should remember to think twice..think through..think wisely..think about these things.. is it right? is it the truth? who will be affected? what are the consequences of choosing it?..picture it..imagine it..and best of all seek HIS guidance.

Trauma

*image credit to realitysandwich

     Every person has their own fears. These fears came out of unforgettable and fearful experiences one had encountered. It only differs on how its fear has been taken, to what degree the experience was, and to what extent the fear itself. A deeply disturbing experience. Once you have seen the same scenario from other people, or almost the same situation, the fear comes back. The trauma that paralyzes you at that very moment...the trauma that could make you hysterical...the trauma that could even lead to a nervous breakdown. I am speaking not only for myself but for others as well, to those who have that traumatic experience.. one that hits like a dagger, inability to move, a sudden recoiled of that event. Sometimes you have that uncontrollable sudden burst of emotions like crying, anger, fear...the experiences you never wanted to share, the fear that you are afraid to show, the weakness you keep hiding even to yourself..anger toward the person who has hurt you throughout. Trauma is a wound so deep..that when you thought it's already healed but it's not .. who can understand the pain? the fear? the memories?.. and why I am writing this?.. only someone who had been or had gone the same experience can understand...and it has no place, I think, in the world of others who has not...

Celebrate Life

    Did you ever see how important? that.. every.. single.. moment..  when you see a person alive or not in pain?.. Did you ever feel how life can be happier if you see someone sick in bed but was able to stand and go on with your life?.. Did you ever think that lying in bed because it is already night and taking a rest for tomorrow's task is such bliss, instead of being in bed with sickness? The moment  I open my eyes without the pain, I am glad I can eat my favorite dish I have cooked yesterday, I can hear the crunch of my favorite mixed nuts "Ding-dong", and I can savor the sweetness of my favorite coconut "Hany".

     Succumb to an unknown chronic pain that could stop my world for a time, I cherish every moment that I can touch and hold hands with my kids, especially my youngest...Faith. Stand and go out looking at the greens, smell the breeze at the beach, eat my favorite foods, working on my laptop to write what I was thinking. Pain can make one surrender life itself. So much throbbing pain every minute wet my eyes to tears. Pain that lasts, it seems to no end. Every pain I dreaded to feel. Worries came in when I feel its onset. 

     Life is wonderful..why end it?.. Everything on earth is amazing.. why destroyed it?.. Some people fight for its life to stand, walk, run, speak, eat normally, to see things the way they were. God is wonderful to make me see things as they were and were they not, to think deeply of all things He has created for what it is. I'm thanking Him for every time that I can open my eyes and see the light of the day, hence, hoping for what the day would bring. Oh, yes, God. thank you I'm still alive! I'm celebrating my life!

Depression During and After Pregnancy

   

    One special thing that could happen to a marriage is for a wife to bear a child. Being pregnant is a wonderful event in one's married life. However, pregnancy entails responsibility, proper care, and a ton of understanding from both the husband and the pregnant wife herself, and as much as possible from the people around and the community where the couple belongs. Nowadays, malls and public transportation provide designated areas and support signages for pregnant women. There are special provision or treatment given to pregnant women, yet, a lack or no knowledge of why is it being given still exist. 

      Yes ..physically, we all know what pregnant women feel but most people do not know the emotional and psychological aspects of being pregnant, why they feel, or why they act differently. And being misunderstood as one hormonal imbalanced woman during my pregnancy period, as well as after giving birth which is the more dangerous one than the latter, I have felt the urge to search and write about what I had been through. Depression occurs in this women's stages, aside from the pre-and post-menstrual period of a woman, pregnancy during and after enters into another stage of mood swings, also known as depression.
     During my pregnancy with my third child, though it was planned, there were days of crying, wanting my husband's attention then, worried about everything, and I slept late because I wanted to finish all the household chores-washing the clothes, mopping the floor, ironing the clothes, etc. I felt the same when I had my fourth pregnancy, I always felt tired then, and I lost interest in cleaning the house, which is the opposite of my third. The knowledge of having a baby with a congenital defect inside my womb added to my anxiety and the marital conflict I had with my husband. 

    After giving birth, I remember those times in my hospital bed when I cried and cried feeling alone, needing someone to talk to, and yet the one I am expecting to comfort me seems far away though near me. I don't know how long it lasted, I lose interest in everything, and I shut myself out from other people. But then I have to take my composure since I have a baby to care for who needs my special attention.

    Everything is history now and looking back still gives me some pain about whom to talk to and always being misunderstood. I do hope whoever reads, be patient with your pregnant neighbors or relatives, especially those who had just given birth, we may never know what they are going through. 

    And being a father-to-be for the first time, auntie or uncle, take note of these antepartum and postpartum blues, so you would know how to relate to or take care of them. For those who are pregnant feeling the same, do not be ashamed, it is not our fault and we can talk about it to our doctors and partners. Here is some information on the symptoms you might be experiencing.      

According to Mayo Clinic, some symptoms of antepartum (depression during pregnancy):

• persistent sadness
• unusual sleeping habits
• inability to concentrate
• loss of interest in the things/activities she usually enjoys
• feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• changes in eating habits
• anxiety/worry too much

These signs, however, are not exclusive or limited by themselves. A manifestation of 2 or more is an early sign of antepartum depression. 1 out of 4 pregnant women suffers from antepartum blues.

Depression after giving birth also affects 20% of women."Baby blues" is the early onset of depression after delivery which lasted up to two weeks, whereas postpartum depression lasted several weeks after giving birth. These two are commonly mistaken as the same, however, the latter is most intense and severe which requires medical intervention

Some symptoms of postpartum "baby blues" as stated by Mayo Clinic includes mood swings, anxiety, sadness, irritability, crying without apparent reasons, feeling overwhelmed, sleeping and appetite problem, and reduced concentration. Postpartum depression (PPD),  is also known as Prenatal Depression.

The PPD symptoms are as follows:

• depressed mood or severe mood swings
• severe anxiety and panic attacks
• excessive sadness
• intense irritability and anger
• excessive crying
• loss of appetite or eating more than usual
• inability to sleep or excessive sleeping
• loss of interest in things she usually enjoys
• overwhelming fatigue or loss of energy
• feeling of worthlessness and guilt
• inability to think clearly and concentrate
• difficulty bonding with her baby
• shutting out from family and friends
• thoughts of harming the baby
• fear of not being a good mother
• recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

You may click these other links for a more detailed discussion about antepartum and postpartum depression:

http://www.postpartumprogress.com/antenatal-depression-robbed-of-the-joy-of-pregnancy

http://www.postpartum.net/learn-more/depression-during-pregnancy-postpartum/
http://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/

Dream Dreams

A big house, a luxurious car, an iPhone, gadgets..these are what many people dream of nowadays. Most of us have these big dreams but we can always start with a small dream. We can even have five or more dreams at any given time. When we have attained that small dreams, we even replace them with bigger dreams as well. Remember, dreams should be realistic, meaning, do not dream of becoming a superhero or going to Mars. Dreams usually depend on our values and personality. 

How to start dreaming our dreams? 

First, we have to make a list of our dreams. Have a note and pen and start writing down as many dreams as you can. Act now and do not delay writing your dreams. You could even have at least 20 dreams or more, later when you achieve or attain them, you can look back if you have fulfilled many of them. Later on, as you go along, you can add or delete some from the list.
Second, we have to stay focused.

We must know our dreams by heart. Create a vivid image and details of your dreams. If you are dreaming of a car, think of the type, brand, and color as well as the model. Possess your dreams as something you shall have, checking on some cars on sale or on display. Imagine that you are driving them in your mind with people important to you. Create your dream board - cut out pictures or draw pictures of your dreams on an illustration board and hang them in a place where you can see them more often, serving as inspiration and motivation to achieve those dreams.

Third, we must categorize and prioritize our dreams. According to Marlo Sanchez in his PinoyBisnes book series, we can categorize our dreams into the following categories: personal dreams, dreams for family, dreams for others, and community. Ask yourselves - Is it a personal dream that you can derive personal satisfaction over dreams for your family? Something that benefits you alone? Is it a dream for your family that would benefit your parents, spouse or children, siblings, or even friends? Is it a dream for a community or others? After categorizing each of your dreams, attach a time factor to each dream - when do you want to achieve them. Then, prioritized which dreams we wanted to achieve first, and so on, by category and time frame.
Lastly and most important, pray for these dreams. In everything that we will do, we should acknowledge Him. Pray for each dream and remember God never wanted His children to suffer, He wanted you to be successful. He knows everything about us, our desires, our own sufferings. Give it to Him and He shall lead our path to those dreams. And when the time comes for each dream to be fulfilled, never forget to give back, to acknowledge the One who made it possible and even those people who helped you through rough times. Blessings are more abundantly given than we can ever imagine.

The Pedestal

     The pedestal is like a throne that you have put someone into. A pedestal is as high as a tower that you have placed someone on top of it, the peak. Admiring a person who is someone great for you, unblemished, and uncritical is also dangerous, not only to that person but also to the one who admires. 

I once had that someone almost perfect in my sight, and yet the saying goes, nobody's perfect. I have to stop and think about it, cannot believe what this someone had done. Sometimes or most of the time, what we see is not the real thing, We cannot say a person who professes to love the Lord or has spent most of their life in a seminary or convent is free from temptation and from committing a sin. 

What I have in mind then is a glass pedestal, it slowly crumbles like shattered glass. They say everybody deserves a second chance, so I gave it. Trusting is really hard, but then repairing the tower, the pedestal, the glass..still, it had the chirp and crack. Everything goes well till then until other people would throw something at the pedestal. Once again, it crumbles down, breaks into pieces, and shattered glass all over the place. If anyone wanted a piece, it's useless, beyond repair if someone would tried to, irreparably.  

     More things learned, be ready and be on alert for temptations to pass through. Listen to your parents especially if you know that they wanted the best for you, all through your life. Everybody is not immune to temptations and sins, even priests, pastors, and ministers, open your eyes to life's realities. Never put someone on a pedestal, when it crumbles, it crumbles and shatters with you. Best of all, only One should be put on the pedestal.

UNFORGIVING

     Easier said than done. Forgiveness is not an easy task. They say time heals all wounds, but it takes more time for a deeper wound to heal, and the wound left a scar. Sometimes that scar is another pain if not properly healed. It remains a mark for all to see and remember. From what I know forgiveness is not only given to those who asked for it. Does forgiveness necessarily mean we have to forget the misdeeds done to us? Maybe yes, maybe not. Maybe yes, if the one who wanted forgiveness to make amends for what he/she did if that person corrected what has been done. Maybe no, for the person concerned be aware and learned his lessons regarding interactions with that person, especially if that person keeps on doing or repeating the same offense to that particular person or another person. Actually, I really don't know the answer. 

     When someone wronged another person, that person may forgive once, twice, thrice,.. ten times, or maybe until the patience has reached its limit. Some people may forgive again and again, while some cannot even forgive the slightest offense done to them. Forgiveness is given freely. Forgiveness, they say is for the person who had been wronged and not the other way around while unforgiving is a bondage that consumes the mind, and distorts the heart with revenge. Unforgiving is I, taking a poison yet expecting the offender to die from it. Unforgiving is I, wanting to break free from the chain of bitterness, to be free from the prison of serving the time for someone else's crime.

image credits to the owner

EmOtioNaL & SoCiAl HiBeRnATioN

Getting away with all of the pros and cons of life. Being still with all the predicaments of life. Disconnecting from the social hiatus of this confusing and noisy world. Hibernating in the winter of our lives. Everything happens for a reason, some things reach their limits.
Grief. Anger. Depression. They can take the life out of you, yet they can bring out the best in you. Yes.. hoping and putting faith in something gives the strength to live on, move on, and take the action. But life isn't that easy, nor that complex that you can just look at it as situational as it is or as it was..it's LIFE per se. Whatever these lines meant for me and you, take a hold and grasp everything it says. It is precious... yet the time does come you want to get out of it by whatever means. It is when a blast from the past would eventually bring the reason for letting it out, letting it go, keeping it going, moving away, getting away, or disconnecting from everything around us.

Winters.. some people go out to enjoy what life brings. Winters.. some people hide, sleep, freeze, stop..not because they do not want to enjoy that season, but to come out with something from themselves, to emerge someone from a ruin destroyed, used up, and broken. Someone who keeps still quite a while from all of the turmoil life brings..in his life..in this life..in this world. The winters in our life...

Withdrawn from your own emotions yet intact with the reality, Disconnected from outside his realms yet looking on it as just moving pieces of everyday terrain. Going back, getting back .. choices are there to continue or pursue, be still or move on... some manage to go on but partially continue what he wants to do and yet remain disconnected. Enjoying every bit of himself and looking at a distance by introspecting his own self or communing with nature. Right or wrong, image, belief, ego, pride, confusion, decisions to make, choices.. it makes life complicated. Withdraw, or play, or quit. Disconnect, go around, or stop. 

Most of the time, being alone in yourself...letting time pass by..doing what you want.. is hibernating from all the round-abouts of life.

One Hug: Ease Out Pain

Image credits to wdrfree.com/stock-vector

     A hug, a pat on the back, the touch... somehow... ease the pain, the fatigue, the stress.

    I have two daughters, I don't know if it is because they are of the same gender as I am that they could feel if I am not feeling alright. One is 17 and the other is 8, yet they would always ask me if I am okay or not which sometimes I wanna hide what I really felt inside, My older daughter when she was just 8 years old then until she went to college was more sensitive with all the things that a female really feels. Now that she's too busy with her studies, my younger daughter is more than what I can or rather we can think of, she always amazes us with all her trinkets and a-dos, smart girl yet sensitive and sweet enough to observe and absorb what is happening around her. Whenever I am in physical pain, even a throbbing pain, somehow it eases out and comforts me. A hug as we all know is something that can be given and yet can also be given back. I do the same with my daughter whenever she is sick, in pain, or in distress. 

   Truly, one hug from someone we know who really loves us turns our fear and our pain into something positive. Letting us know that someone is there for us. A hug can say what words cannot. A hug gives us an emotional lift from whatever pains we have. And maybe we can stop and look around us, let's give our best hug to the one we care for.. and to someone who needs it.

Life Seems so Unfair

     Sometimes life is harder because some people around you made it that way, for the reason we sometimes didn't know or maybe just to hurt others. Most of the time people who have done crazy things to other people get the best of what they want. People act on their own self, only mothers can't.. and it's very rare for a mother to think only on her own. Life seems unfair when somebody who had hurt you physically, made you think lowly of yourself, whom you had helped in keeping the boat from sinking..and yet you have to give way for everything that somebody had ruined. Life seems so unfair when somebody who has done cruel things and is abusive of their powers or strength amassed fortune or sympathy. Is it really fair?
     But come to think of it, life may seem unfair yet the choice to make it fair or not, to do good against evil is a choice.  And that the greatest revenge is not doing evil against evil, tooth for a tooth and eye for an eye...it's forgiveness and doing what's best to keep peace at yourself...

War Between Two Worlds-The War Within

     For every battle, there is a winner but for each War, everyone is a loser... for both sides have to suffer the consequence it has brought on. The ever-present war within is the most complicated of all wars. The war that could make another war on its own or a war for real.     

     Can you ever stop it? Will you ever stop it? Are you going to stop it? There is a war going on. A battle.. that nobody could interfere to stop it. No negotiations. No peace treaty could restrain what is going on. Only one will be able to rekindle it. The war within, indecisiveness? confusion?..no..it is a battle. A battle between two worlds, two ideals, two minds, even two lives. For one typifies what is right, what to wait, and what to hope. And the other one, what is to feel, what is waiting, what is hoping, new life, new heart..but not sure of what is to gain for having either side. How to loosen it..how to let it be... how to let it go. Can't hide, can't run away from it. Let it cross the bridge to wait and see what will happen..but, the time to decide is right now! I, only I would ever put it to a halt. Which is which I will have to be...only I can decide and yet I will be the one to cry for getting in and let it in...

Limbo

Disregarded, forgotten, unimportant..that is what she thinks of herself. One of obscure and unimportant standing unknown for many years. She was neglected, up in the air. Uncertain of those things around her. Unknowing whether somebody is coming or going. Lost dreams..confined to her own self-imprisonment. ..that's what she thinks of herself ..only because someone made her think that way. As the years passed by, that someone is on the same waving toss of neglect, unimportance, forgotten..for he is consuming the time given, wasting the gift and keeping the guilt on himself..she goes out to tell where she came from and that someone had caused her so much pain..still..the pain, it lingers..cannot be forgotten, cannot be disregarded though unimportant to make her going...How is it then to feel that someone with whom she shared so many wonderful moments has forgotten the hardships they went through..how she has suffered for the disrespect? Walking aimlessly, swayed by anger; thinking endlessly, crushed by pain; staring blankly, unable spirit..go out, fly or take a limb..and follow the light passing through to make it out from limbo.

image credits to the owner

Y O U

     YOU have been my companion since I was a child in a noisy and darker place...YOU're the ONE I've been calling to save me from the wrath of my Mother... they never knew...I thought I had forgotten, but it's all coming back..maybe because of the same situation that I am going through. I was surprised to find out the reason why I had those nightmares, woke up crying calling for my father..the same nightmare haunting when I was a child..it's all coming back...they never knew...only YOU. I don't understand what is beneath. 

     Until one day, wasn't able to contain what is within..unleashing it because of anger..rage. It's a mistake, it's painful. I know I've hurt YOU, I have caused YOU pain. I left. I knew YOU never wanted me to do those things. And yet YOU never left me. YOU stay with me and I give up..it's YOUR turn now..laying all the things on what I had done, I almost lost it..the one important thing YOU have given me. 

     Now it's between YOU and me again...YOU're the only One who understands..the only One who can control me. The pain of past mistakes. The pain of losing from YOUR sight. The pain of not looking back to where I was and the memories of what YOU had done for me since I was a child. Now the nightmare is coming back...I wouldn't risk losing from YOUR sight. I am still the child YOU have known, a bit older, a bit changed for YOU. It's in YOU whom I could cry all out, I could be me. YOU know me. YOU understand. YOU love me.

Our Father..How Great is His Love

     

image credits to hallow.com

    Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be your name, your Kingdom comes, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.... a line of praise for our Great Father who founded the family, who gave up His Son for us to be saved.

 "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him." (John 3:16-17, NIV). 

     The heartbreak He had felt when He provided salvation for us. The decision of giving up His only Son to suffer the mocking of the crowd. Every lash and pain, every weight and humiliation of our sin, the agony of being alone and abandoned....the Father's heart was deeply pained. Yet to save us all, He let it be so that whenever we believe in the reason that His only Son had died for us and risen victoriously, we have a right to be His child and call Him Our Father.

     He is there looking at us, seeing how we grow...teaching us...He knows every bit of us...He understands...He is there waiting for us...

     

Think Aloud

Speak out, blurt it out..talk, scream, cry...moving thoughts wanting to get out. Bursting with feeling, unknown be known. Thoughts are running on my mind..things I should have said the first time.. shouting out loud those anger and hatred and betrayal, painful tears weeping I have kept for a long time...decisions I should have done before..but is it the right thing to do?? I can't move on, my heart cries out for justice...my mind screams for the unfairness. Too many questions left unanswered..too many shortcomings remained unfilled..too many dreams unfulfilled that I have to do on my own. Those days are gone, nobody knows what happened, and no one bothered to ask how I was...Added to the pain and the insult to injury, "people" around never understand, judging me and not the culprit. How I wanted to say I was a victim once and a victim again ..they are close and yet they are not, allowing them no more the next time. Thinking...loud I will, loud I must...