Trauma

*image credit to realitysandwich

     Every person has their own fears. These fears came out of unforgettable and fearful experiences one had encountered. It only differs on how its fear has been taken, to what degree the experience was, and to what extent the fear itself. A deeply disturbing experience. Once you have seen the same scenario from other people, or almost the same situation, the fear comes back. The trauma that paralyzes you at that very moment...the trauma that could make you hysterical...the trauma that could even lead to a nervous breakdown. I am speaking not only for myself but for others as well, to those who have that traumatic experience.. one that hits like a dagger, inability to move, a sudden recoiled of that event. Sometimes you have that uncontrollable sudden burst of emotions like crying, anger, fear...the experiences you never wanted to share, the fear that you are afraid to show, the weakness you keep hiding even to yourself..anger toward the person who has hurt you throughout. Trauma is a wound so deep..that when you thought it's already healed but it's not .. who can understand the pain? the fear? the memories?.. and why I am writing this?.. only someone who had been or had gone the same experience can understand...and it has no place, I think, in the world of others who has not...

What's More Painful?

     The "physical" definition of pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage or described in terms of such damage. But what about the pain that we have experienced emotionally?..well, actual and potential tissue damage is not present here. Emotional pain is what we feel inside..things that make us hurt as if we're bleeding inside.
     Pain, according to Dr. Don Ranney in his "Anatomy of Pain" says that it is a perception, not really a sensation, in the same way, that vision and hearing are. It involves sensitivity to chemical changes in the tissues and then interpretation that such changes are harmful. This perception is real, whether or not harm has occurred or is occurring. Cognition is involved in the formulation of this perception. There are emotional consequences and behavioral responses to the cognitive and emotional aspects of pain.

*image credit to sweetdelight.deviantart.com

     From that definition, I would say pain depends on what we perceive as painful, how we could tolerate a certain pressure, disaster, calamities, life-threatening situation, unacceptable words, a love loss..whatever you have in mind that could stop your world for a while. One thing is for sure.. what we think would hurt us is really painful.

     Emotional pain is not necessarily the cause of physical pain..and sometimes..emotional pain can cause physical pain. So what's more painful?... Let me see... I met an accident sixteen years ago, I was crossing the street when a car suddenly hit me and according to some witnesses, I flew 4 meters away from where I stand. Does it hurt?.. I didn't feel anything during those times because I fell unconscious and didn't even know what had happened. Just after I woke up that I had gotten to know I met an accident. I got bruises and stitches on my head. After six hours, that's when I felt the throbbing pain in my head maybe due to a shock...and every time my headaches I always remember the dreaded pain I had felt that time. After a year, I found out that my boyfriend was dating another woman not only one but two. It hurts and I will find out later this incident will have bearing on what I am going through and what I am writing now.

     As everyone perceives it, it's painful to have trusted someone and yet you found out he doesn't deserve it; very painful to have known that the baby inside your womb would not live a normal life; very painful too to have met a blow from the one you have loved most, receiving every word that you would not even thought he would say; and painful too to find out he's turning you to a fool making every bit of what he had done would take the blame on you...and later to find out he got another woman pregnant...Pain??..Yes! very painful..don't even know how I would live every bit of it. I made some mistakes but who would understand? The one I trusted so much now has lost it... Every day, the pain seethes in, losing my respect for the person I have been with for the past thirteen years. The happier I turns to be withdrawn and make a happy face though sad within. Painful it is that I can no longer say such words as tears began rolling on my face again...and up to you what you think is more painful...