The Choices We Make

     In this life, we dreaded things we usually do. We hate the things that cause us pain, trouble, hassle, and difficulty. But the irony of it all, we are what we choose, we are the cause of our choices. 

      We are bothered by floods and landslides, yet we are the ones cutting the trees, digging the land, and throwing out garbage around without thinking. We are worried that our seas and natural resources are losing their grandeur, yet we are the ones destroying them, polluting them, and creating chaos with the balance of nature. We encountered nuisance people, yet we forget to discipline our children, listen to the elders, and even give out a smile. The choices we make are ours but the effect of these choices is for everyone to either be blessed or suffer. 

*credit image to GettyImages

    When things go wrong we tend to blame other people or God for our mishap, yet we never think for a moment that our choices made it. We tend to do things by following other people, going with the flow just because the majority of people are doing it, yet what we have to lose is our dignity and character. We have made the choice of not standing up to what is right, instead, we made a choice of doing something to make it right. There is a big difference between doing the right thing and enabling something to make the wrong things right. For all the mistakes, for all the choices we made, we sometimes have the option to make it right, but this is not always the case, one wrong choice leads to another.

  The choices we make lest we know, one should remember to think twice..think through..think wisely..think about these things.. is it right? is it the truth? who will be affected? what are the consequences of choosing it?..picture it..imagine it..and best of all seek HIS guidance.

Trauma

*image credit to realitysandwich

     Every person has their own fears. These fears came out of unforgettable and fearful experiences one had encountered. It only differs on how its fear has been taken, to what degree the experience was, and to what extent the fear itself. A deeply disturbing experience. Once you have seen the same scenario from other people, or almost the same situation, the fear comes back. The trauma that paralyzes you at that very moment...the trauma that could make you hysterical...the trauma that could even lead to a nervous breakdown. I am speaking not only for myself but for others as well, to those who have that traumatic experience.. one that hits like a dagger, inability to move, a sudden recoiled of that event. Sometimes you have that uncontrollable sudden burst of emotions like crying, anger, fear...the experiences you never wanted to share, the fear that you are afraid to show, the weakness you keep hiding even to yourself..anger toward the person who has hurt you throughout. Trauma is a wound so deep..that when you thought it's already healed but it's not .. who can understand the pain? the fear? the memories?.. and why I am writing this?.. only someone who had been or had gone the same experience can understand...and it has no place, I think, in the world of others who has not...

Depression During and After Pregnancy

   

    One special thing that could happen to a marriage is for a wife to bear a child. Being pregnant is a wonderful event in one's married life. However, pregnancy entails responsibility, proper care, and a ton of understanding from both the husband and the pregnant wife herself, and as much as possible from the people around and the community where the couple belongs. Nowadays, malls and public transportation provide designated areas and support signages for pregnant women. There are special provision or treatment given to pregnant women, yet, a lack or no knowledge of why is it being given still exist. 

      Yes ..physically, we all know what pregnant women feel but most people do not know the emotional and psychological aspects of being pregnant, why they feel, or why they act differently. And being misunderstood as one hormonal imbalanced woman during my pregnancy period, as well as after giving birth which is the more dangerous one than the latter, I have felt the urge to search and write about what I had been through. Depression occurs in this women's stages, aside from the pre-and post-menstrual period of a woman, pregnancy during and after enters into another stage of mood swings, also known as depression.
     During my pregnancy with my third child, though it was planned, there were days of crying, wanting my husband's attention then, worried about everything, and I slept late because I wanted to finish all the household chores-washing the clothes, mopping the floor, ironing the clothes, etc. I felt the same when I had my fourth pregnancy, I always felt tired then, and I lost interest in cleaning the house, which is the opposite of my third. The knowledge of having a baby with a congenital defect inside my womb added to my anxiety and the marital conflict I had with my husband. 

    After giving birth, I remember those times in my hospital bed when I cried and cried feeling alone, needing someone to talk to, and yet the one I am expecting to comfort me seems far away though near me. I don't know how long it lasted, I lose interest in everything, and I shut myself out from other people. But then I have to take my composure since I have a baby to care for who needs my special attention.

    Everything is history now and looking back still gives me some pain about whom to talk to and always being misunderstood. I do hope whoever reads, be patient with your pregnant neighbors or relatives, especially those who had just given birth, we may never know what they are going through. 

    And being a father-to-be for the first time, auntie or uncle, take note of these antepartum and postpartum blues, so you would know how to relate to or take care of them. For those who are pregnant feeling the same, do not be ashamed, it is not our fault and we can talk about it to our doctors and partners. Here is some information on the symptoms you might be experiencing.      

According to Mayo Clinic, some symptoms of antepartum (depression during pregnancy):

• persistent sadness
• unusual sleeping habits
• inability to concentrate
• loss of interest in the things/activities she usually enjoys
• feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• changes in eating habits
• anxiety/worry too much

These signs, however, are not exclusive or limited by themselves. A manifestation of 2 or more is an early sign of antepartum depression. 1 out of 4 pregnant women suffers from antepartum blues.

Depression after giving birth also affects 20% of women."Baby blues" is the early onset of depression after delivery which lasted up to two weeks, whereas postpartum depression lasted several weeks after giving birth. These two are commonly mistaken as the same, however, the latter is most intense and severe which requires medical intervention

Some symptoms of postpartum "baby blues" as stated by Mayo Clinic includes mood swings, anxiety, sadness, irritability, crying without apparent reasons, feeling overwhelmed, sleeping and appetite problem, and reduced concentration. Postpartum depression (PPD),  is also known as Prenatal Depression.

The PPD symptoms are as follows:

• depressed mood or severe mood swings
• severe anxiety and panic attacks
• excessive sadness
• intense irritability and anger
• excessive crying
• loss of appetite or eating more than usual
• inability to sleep or excessive sleeping
• loss of interest in things she usually enjoys
• overwhelming fatigue or loss of energy
• feeling of worthlessness and guilt
• inability to think clearly and concentrate
• difficulty bonding with her baby
• shutting out from family and friends
• thoughts of harming the baby
• fear of not being a good mother
• recurrent thoughts of death or suicide

You may click these other links for a more detailed discussion about antepartum and postpartum depression:

http://www.postpartumprogress.com/antenatal-depression-robbed-of-the-joy-of-pregnancy

http://www.postpartum.net/learn-more/depression-during-pregnancy-postpartum/
http://www.webmd.com/depression/postpartum-depression/

The Pedestal

     The pedestal is like a throne that you have put someone into. A pedestal is as high as a tower that you have placed someone on top of it, the peak. Admiring a person who is someone great for you, unblemished, and uncritical is also dangerous, not only to that person but also to the one who admires. 

I once had that someone almost perfect in my sight, and yet the saying goes, nobody's perfect. I have to stop and think about it, cannot believe what this someone had done. Sometimes or most of the time, what we see is not the real thing, We cannot say a person who professes to love the Lord or has spent most of their life in a seminary or convent is free from temptation and from committing a sin. 

What I have in mind then is a glass pedestal, it slowly crumbles like shattered glass. They say everybody deserves a second chance, so I gave it. Trusting is really hard, but then repairing the tower, the pedestal, the glass..still, it had the chirp and crack. Everything goes well till then until other people would throw something at the pedestal. Once again, it crumbles down, breaks into pieces, and shattered glass all over the place. If anyone wanted a piece, it's useless, beyond repair if someone would tried to, irreparably.  

     More things learned, be ready and be on alert for temptations to pass through. Listen to your parents especially if you know that they wanted the best for you, all through your life. Everybody is not immune to temptations and sins, even priests, pastors, and ministers, open your eyes to life's realities. Never put someone on a pedestal, when it crumbles, it crumbles and shatters with you. Best of all, only One should be put on the pedestal.

UNFORGIVING

     Easier said than done. Forgiveness is not an easy task. They say time heals all wounds, but it takes more time for a deeper wound to heal, and the wound left a scar. Sometimes that scar is another pain if not properly healed. It remains a mark for all to see and remember. From what I know forgiveness is not only given to those who asked for it. Does forgiveness necessarily mean we have to forget the misdeeds done to us? Maybe yes, maybe not. Maybe yes, if the one who wanted forgiveness to make amends for what he/she did if that person corrected what has been done. Maybe no, for the person concerned be aware and learned his lessons regarding interactions with that person, especially if that person keeps on doing or repeating the same offense to that particular person or another person. Actually, I really don't know the answer. 

     When someone wronged another person, that person may forgive once, twice, thrice,.. ten times, or maybe until the patience has reached its limit. Some people may forgive again and again, while some cannot even forgive the slightest offense done to them. Forgiveness is given freely. Forgiveness, they say is for the person who had been wronged and not the other way around while unforgiving is a bondage that consumes the mind, and distorts the heart with revenge. Unforgiving is I, taking a poison yet expecting the offender to die from it. Unforgiving is I, wanting to break free from the chain of bitterness, to be free from the prison of serving the time for someone else's crime.

image credits to the owner

EmOtioNaL & SoCiAl HiBeRnATioN

Getting away with all of the pros and cons of life. Being still with all the predicaments of life. Disconnecting from the social hiatus of this confusing and noisy world. Hibernating in the winter of our lives. Everything happens for a reason, some things reach their limits.
Grief. Anger. Depression. They can take the life out of you, yet they can bring out the best in you. Yes.. hoping and putting faith in something gives the strength to live on, move on, and take the action. But life isn't that easy, nor that complex that you can just look at it as situational as it is or as it was..it's LIFE per se. Whatever these lines meant for me and you, take a hold and grasp everything it says. It is precious... yet the time does come you want to get out of it by whatever means. It is when a blast from the past would eventually bring the reason for letting it out, letting it go, keeping it going, moving away, getting away, or disconnecting from everything around us.

Winters.. some people go out to enjoy what life brings. Winters.. some people hide, sleep, freeze, stop..not because they do not want to enjoy that season, but to come out with something from themselves, to emerge someone from a ruin destroyed, used up, and broken. Someone who keeps still quite a while from all of the turmoil life brings..in his life..in this life..in this world. The winters in our life...

Withdrawn from your own emotions yet intact with the reality, Disconnected from outside his realms yet looking on it as just moving pieces of everyday terrain. Going back, getting back .. choices are there to continue or pursue, be still or move on... some manage to go on but partially continue what he wants to do and yet remain disconnected. Enjoying every bit of himself and looking at a distance by introspecting his own self or communing with nature. Right or wrong, image, belief, ego, pride, confusion, decisions to make, choices.. it makes life complicated. Withdraw, or play, or quit. Disconnect, go around, or stop. 

Most of the time, being alone in yourself...letting time pass by..doing what you want.. is hibernating from all the round-abouts of life.

One Hug: Ease Out Pain

Image credits to wdrfree.com/stock-vector

     A hug, a pat on the back, the touch... somehow... ease the pain, the fatigue, the stress.

    I have two daughters, I don't know if it is because they are of the same gender as I am that they could feel if I am not feeling alright. One is 17 and the other is 8, yet they would always ask me if I am okay or not which sometimes I wanna hide what I really felt inside, My older daughter when she was just 8 years old then until she went to college was more sensitive with all the things that a female really feels. Now that she's too busy with her studies, my younger daughter is more than what I can or rather we can think of, she always amazes us with all her trinkets and a-dos, smart girl yet sensitive and sweet enough to observe and absorb what is happening around her. Whenever I am in physical pain, even a throbbing pain, somehow it eases out and comforts me. A hug as we all know is something that can be given and yet can also be given back. I do the same with my daughter whenever she is sick, in pain, or in distress. 

   Truly, one hug from someone we know who really loves us turns our fear and our pain into something positive. Letting us know that someone is there for us. A hug can say what words cannot. A hug gives us an emotional lift from whatever pains we have. And maybe we can stop and look around us, let's give our best hug to the one we care for.. and to someone who needs it.

Life Seems so Unfair

     Sometimes life is harder because some people around you made it that way, for the reason we sometimes didn't know or maybe just to hurt others. Most of the time people who have done crazy things to other people get the best of what they want. People act on their own self, only mothers can't.. and it's very rare for a mother to think only on her own. Life seems unfair when somebody who had hurt you physically, made you think lowly of yourself, whom you had helped in keeping the boat from sinking..and yet you have to give way for everything that somebody had ruined. Life seems so unfair when somebody who has done cruel things and is abusive of their powers or strength amassed fortune or sympathy. Is it really fair?
     But come to think of it, life may seem unfair yet the choice to make it fair or not, to do good against evil is a choice.  And that the greatest revenge is not doing evil against evil, tooth for a tooth and eye for an eye...it's forgiveness and doing what's best to keep peace at yourself...

War Between Two Worlds-The War Within

     For every battle, there is a winner but for each War, everyone is a loser... for both sides have to suffer the consequence it has brought on. The ever-present war within is the most complicated of all wars. The war that could make another war on its own or a war for real.     

     Can you ever stop it? Will you ever stop it? Are you going to stop it? There is a war going on. A battle.. that nobody could interfere to stop it. No negotiations. No peace treaty could restrain what is going on. Only one will be able to rekindle it. The war within, indecisiveness? confusion?..no..it is a battle. A battle between two worlds, two ideals, two minds, even two lives. For one typifies what is right, what to wait, and what to hope. And the other one, what is to feel, what is waiting, what is hoping, new life, new heart..but not sure of what is to gain for having either side. How to loosen it..how to let it be... how to let it go. Can't hide, can't run away from it. Let it cross the bridge to wait and see what will happen..but, the time to decide is right now! I, only I would ever put it to a halt. Which is which I will have to be...only I can decide and yet I will be the one to cry for getting in and let it in...

Limbo

Disregarded, forgotten, unimportant..that is what she thinks of herself. One of obscure and unimportant standing unknown for many years. She was neglected, up in the air. Uncertain of those things around her. Unknowing whether somebody is coming or going. Lost dreams..confined to her own self-imprisonment. ..that's what she thinks of herself ..only because someone made her think that way. As the years passed by, that someone is on the same waving toss of neglect, unimportance, forgotten..for he is consuming the time given, wasting the gift and keeping the guilt on himself..she goes out to tell where she came from and that someone had caused her so much pain..still..the pain, it lingers..cannot be forgotten, cannot be disregarded though unimportant to make her going...How is it then to feel that someone with whom she shared so many wonderful moments has forgotten the hardships they went through..how she has suffered for the disrespect? Walking aimlessly, swayed by anger; thinking endlessly, crushed by pain; staring blankly, unable spirit..go out, fly or take a limb..and follow the light passing through to make it out from limbo.

image credits to the owner

Y O U

     YOU have been my companion since I was a child in a noisy and darker place...YOU're the ONE I've been calling to save me from the wrath of my Mother... they never knew...I thought I had forgotten, but it's all coming back..maybe because of the same situation that I am going through. I was surprised to find out the reason why I had those nightmares, woke up crying calling for my father..the same nightmare haunting when I was a child..it's all coming back...they never knew...only YOU. I don't understand what is beneath. 

     Until one day, wasn't able to contain what is within..unleashing it because of anger..rage. It's a mistake, it's painful. I know I've hurt YOU, I have caused YOU pain. I left. I knew YOU never wanted me to do those things. And yet YOU never left me. YOU stay with me and I give up..it's YOUR turn now..laying all the things on what I had done, I almost lost it..the one important thing YOU have given me. 

     Now it's between YOU and me again...YOU're the only One who understands..the only One who can control me. The pain of past mistakes. The pain of losing from YOUR sight. The pain of not looking back to where I was and the memories of what YOU had done for me since I was a child. Now the nightmare is coming back...I wouldn't risk losing from YOUR sight. I am still the child YOU have known, a bit older, a bit changed for YOU. It's in YOU whom I could cry all out, I could be me. YOU know me. YOU understand. YOU love me.

Think Aloud

Speak out, blurt it out..talk, scream, cry...moving thoughts wanting to get out. Bursting with feeling, unknown be known. Thoughts are running on my mind..things I should have said the first time.. shouting out loud those anger and hatred and betrayal, painful tears weeping I have kept for a long time...decisions I should have done before..but is it the right thing to do?? I can't move on, my heart cries out for justice...my mind screams for the unfairness. Too many questions left unanswered..too many shortcomings remained unfilled..too many dreams unfulfilled that I have to do on my own. Those days are gone, nobody knows what happened, and no one bothered to ask how I was...Added to the pain and the insult to injury, "people" around never understand, judging me and not the culprit. How I wanted to say I was a victim once and a victim again ..they are close and yet they are not, allowing them no more the next time. Thinking...loud I will, loud I must...

Struggle

Struggle..proceed with difficulty or great effort? Struggle..make strenuous or violent efforts in the face of difficulties or opposition? Struggle..decide which action to take? Struggle..choose between what is convenient and what it needs to be obedient? Struggle..go over the practicality or the hardship? Struggle..feel it..you can sigh or cry. Torn between two principles, it's difficult to proceed. You have to make a strenuous effort to face it, to choose and decide. Is it convenience over obedience? The struggle for convenience is choosing the practicality of it all. Letting go, pick up the pieces, have it your way, move on and tell the world where you are, ready to face another new life without him, his pain, and his demon-like attitude...But, still, .. struggling.. with the thought...struggle for obedience. Choosing obedience, from One Who ruled, from One Who Lord it over, from One Who made it happened...it's hardship along the way. Hoping and waiting. Painful and lonely. Sadness and tears. Ridicule and insult. What could have been so beautiful has gone awry...gone were the days of fruitful memories. The path to obedience is hardship, but why is it important to take heed? What lies ahead the hardship is a morning sun promised by One. Struggle to keep the faith...struggle to hold on to the promises..struggle to proceed .. struggle.. for man is weak but needs to keep his senses for the One ..for man knows at the end of the road is a bright light waiting for him..convenient for a moment?.. or be obedient and walk into the light?...

Tears of Weeping

Some tears tell the unexpected has happened, and the things you have prayed for have been answered. Tears that say it's finally over and you're done with it. Tears that show deep and seething pain, pain that cuts like a knife. Wounded soul, hovers throughout the day. The gloomy sky seems to understand its loneliness, an advent of rain to come. No one could understand how painful it is. Weeping all throughout the night, silent weep but turbulent cry. Tears of weeping no one could discern. Cry, cry, cry, weep and weep. In between sobs, it was about to ask why .. cry it all out .. weep as much .. the black clouds of the night began to scatter as the rain falls wanting to let go all through the day.  In the dark corner, tears of weeping are heard .. it seems a bottomless pit .. does not end ..only calms like a turbulent sea that only Him can stop .. just like the tears of weeping only His arms can comfort...

The Day It Started Once Again..Does It End Once Again?

The capture of the moment once again repeats itself..after a year and a half. She cherished the moment that they had been together, praying what has been started would be preserved if God wills for it. She did not know what he was thinking about it then.
A year and a half had passed, and a prominent restaurant had been a witness to two people wanting to take another chance..they were eating when the Big sister had passed by, they looked at each other and smiled.. reading between the lines... He accompanied her that time when she was looking for a finer pair of shoes. Soon, the dark sky needs to go... there was this rehearsal for a musical night to celebrate His coming...they went...

..on their way on a hub cab drive he holds her hand seizing the moment to behold her beauty, capturing the time to promise a better stance this time. It started from then on..to cherish once again the time they have shared, to patronize the gift that He has given ..to start once again for a more nurtured stance..asking to fill in all the shortcomings, promising to have given it more importance..it started that day..that day was "today"(click here)...does he remember?

She did not see it coming nor he knew what it is... the turmoil.. they see it ends the moment..does He approve it? or will He cease that moment for a better one and just let this turmoil passes by?..or is it really meant for them to unhold and let go of each other?..nobody knows..only He knows what His plans are for them...

                         

Breakdown

If in your own little space, in your own limited time, nobody knows what is happening inside. Every single day, pain seething in, body aches, unable to move. The desire to move and go, to do things faded away. Failure to function normally, it is what breakdown is all about. It is the complete loss of physical or mental or emotional spark and energy. A breakdown could be the effect of stress and the inability to cope with it, anxiety or depression. 

You would think closing your eyes is the next best thing to do, but sleep is far from over. Too much, too much... where you go, it haunts, bit by bit it consumes into our every being. Letting it out by crying, still, the pain seethes in...

Talking it out to a friend would help..never wanted to be alone yet loneliness halted your lips to share the pain, never wanting to open the long infected wound...The state of being here..the only refuge is God who will pick up the bits and pieces of what you are undergoing. 

Scream

I'm Tired of injustice, I'm Tired of the schemes, it's kinda disgusting. What does it mean? Kicking me down I got to get up. As jacked as it sounds, the whole system sucks. Peek in the shadow, I come into the light. You tell me I'm wrong, then you better prove you're right. You're sellin' out souls but I care about mine. I've got to get stronger, and I won't give up the fight.

With such confusion does it make you wanna scream? You're bash abusin' victimize within the scheme. You try to cope with every lie they scrutinize. Somebody, please have mercy 'cause I just can't take it. Stop pressurin' me. Just stop pressurin' me. Tired of you tellin' the story your way, it's causin' confusion, and you think it's okay. You changin' the rules while I keep playin' the game. I can't take it much longer I think I'm a go insane.

With such confusion, does it make you wanna scream? You're bash abusin' victimize within' the scheme. You find your pleasure scandalizin' every lie.

Oh, Father, please have mercy 'cause I just can't take it.

Does it sound and look familiar?.. This is an excerpt from Michael Jackson's song. He had composed this song due to pressures he had been into by some entertainment news media. Having the feeling of injustice and disgusting schemes. The troubles and the pain he had undergone made him wanna scream. 

Though we have the same sentiments, our causes differ. It is rooted in an experience, in my present state as someone. The schemes, the injustice, the pres sure..where will it end? Will I stay longer keeping up the fight or let it go? When will be the right time to scream to stop it? How to let it burst out for them to know you're hurting??

Keeping it to yourself...being silent, doesn't really mean you're approving the injustice nor the scheme.. being silent, doesn't mean you're being quiet..scream does not necessarily mean words and sounds to shout out...silence is a loud scream...

Unwritten Letter

I have come across a profile from a certain site and found a letter written by one of my chats. I am fascinated by what he has written and find it romantic and subtle. An unwritten letter may be for his future partner. Here's the letter he wrote...

This is a letter I write for my love...even though we've never met:

I need to be told how you feel. I need to be shown. 

I need you to communicate with me. I will listen. 

Forgive me, but when you pull me close one moment and push me away from the next;

I can't understand. I can't know what to do. 

All I know is to show you how I feel and hope for honesty and respect in return. 

I want you to have time to yourself. Yes, I want you to have friends. 

I want to also be included from time to time...as I will include you. 

I do this because I want you to know I am proud to walk beside you and I want to feel the same. 

I do this because I want you to know I have nothing to hide from you. 

I want you to KNOW I am with you, only you. I want to trust you.

No, I don't want to know all your past mistakes. They are yours and you must own them. 

I am human and have my own. I hope we both have learned their lessons. 

I want to love your imperfections. I want to love the changing lines in your face year after year. 

I know we will not always agree, but we can try and understand. 

When I walk away from an argument understand I do so 

because I know that people often say things they don't mean. 

The last thing I want to do is hurt you or reinforce doubts you have about yourself. 

I want only to lift you up. When you're sick I want to take care of you. 

I want to tuck you into bed and keep you warm. 

I'll hold your hand in public and sit beside you when we dine alone. 

I'll put my arms around you at unexpected times and at others, 

you'll look in my eyes and know I am undressing you in my mind. 

I want to send you flowers for no reason. 

I want to leave you notes in places you wouldn't expect to find them. 

Cards will come in the mail on random days. 

I want to let you know throughout your day that I am thinking of you. 

And at night, while you're asleep, I'll whisper how much you mean to me 

and hope you'll remember me in your dreams. 

I want to love and to be loved.

What's More Painful?

     The "physical" definition of pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage or described in terms of such damage. But what about the pain that we have experienced emotionally?..well, actual and potential tissue damage is not present here. Emotional pain is what we feel inside..things that make us hurt as if we're bleeding inside.
     Pain, according to Dr. Don Ranney in his "Anatomy of Pain" says that it is a perception, not really a sensation, in the same way, that vision and hearing are. It involves sensitivity to chemical changes in the tissues and then interpretation that such changes are harmful. This perception is real, whether or not harm has occurred or is occurring. Cognition is involved in the formulation of this perception. There are emotional consequences and behavioral responses to the cognitive and emotional aspects of pain.

*image credit to sweetdelight.deviantart.com

     From that definition, I would say pain depends on what we perceive as painful, how we could tolerate a certain pressure, disaster, calamities, life-threatening situation, unacceptable words, a love loss..whatever you have in mind that could stop your world for a while. One thing is for sure.. what we think would hurt us is really painful.

     Emotional pain is not necessarily the cause of physical pain..and sometimes..emotional pain can cause physical pain. So what's more painful?... Let me see... I met an accident sixteen years ago, I was crossing the street when a car suddenly hit me and according to some witnesses, I flew 4 meters away from where I stand. Does it hurt?.. I didn't feel anything during those times because I fell unconscious and didn't even know what had happened. Just after I woke up that I had gotten to know I met an accident. I got bruises and stitches on my head. After six hours, that's when I felt the throbbing pain in my head maybe due to a shock...and every time my headaches I always remember the dreaded pain I had felt that time. After a year, I found out that my boyfriend was dating another woman not only one but two. It hurts and I will find out later this incident will have bearing on what I am going through and what I am writing now.

     As everyone perceives it, it's painful to have trusted someone and yet you found out he doesn't deserve it; very painful to have known that the baby inside your womb would not live a normal life; very painful too to have met a blow from the one you have loved most, receiving every word that you would not even thought he would say; and painful too to find out he's turning you to a fool making every bit of what he had done would take the blame on you...and later to find out he got another woman pregnant...Pain??..Yes! very painful..don't even know how I would live every bit of it. I made some mistakes but who would understand? The one I trusted so much now has lost it... Every day, the pain seethes in, losing my respect for the person I have been with for the past thirteen years. The happier I turns to be withdrawn and make a happy face though sad within. Painful it is that I can no longer say such words as tears began rolling on my face again...and up to you what you think is more painful...