Graduation

     In the Philippines, we have a 6-year elementary grade and a 4-year high school. Handling the 4th-year students are not quite easy. You as a teacher need to emphasize to them how important to undergo a college or even a vocational course, even what we call a TESDA (Technical Education and Skills Authority) course that would only take 6 months or less. You also have to take note of their subjects if they are on the edge of failing and how much effort they should take for them to graduate. There is also involvement with their personal problems, and sometimes financial...it really took a long way. For almost 10 months that we had been together, finally, they have made it.

     At the beginning of our class, I had encouraged and motivated everyone to dream dreams, a belief in one's self, and faith in God. I have even given them a project on Values (since class advisers were the ones handling this subject as an additional from their expertise) to make a dream board. The objective is to focus on their goal and on what they wanted to achieve. We also had this statement made on the 1st day of our class, that they have to shout and convince himself/herself upon saying it, "Hindi ako magda-drop! ga-graduate ako!" (I won't drop the class! I'm going to graduate!). Classmates who would hear would clap and agree if they were convinced of what each was saying. The law of positive attraction is also convincing yourself that you're gonna make it, that you can do it, that you can have it, that you can achieve it. I told them that if they themselves cannot be convinced of what they wanted to happen, nobody can. I'm sure they did not forget these two starting events in our class.

     Last night, April 5 was their graduation day, all girls were in tears but I'm keeping myself holding on until one of the boys came to me and call me to say thank you and really cry his heart out...I never thought he would cry like a child to me while I'm hugging him...that's the point I can no longer hold on to my tears..it flows..and while I am writing this blog, tears rolling down my cheeks. I'm really gonna miss them..my cellphone for the last few days before graduation day has not stopped receiving messages from them saying their thank you's..that's the essence of teaching I think, letting them know how I care, whoever they are whatever they have done. They are like my own children. It somehow made them realize what I had been doing for them and unconsciously realized what I have told them that they are in school to learn how to learn..and after that night, I think they did...

4N batch 2011, my advisory class...

My Advisory Class on their Recollection

     Kinda late to write this on my blog, since it happened last January 17. The place were Alagad ni Maria (Disciples of Mary) Formation House in Tahanang Nasaret (Nazareth Home) Retreat Center. This is actually a seminary for aspiring priest but as part of reaching out to the youth they offer recollection program for the graduating students of some high schools in and out of Antipolo vicinity. I'm actually handling 4th year students and they have joined this program initiated by our school.
     I was not in the room where the session is being held but I know what is happening inside since I had been into this kind of recollection program when I was in high school. Some of my students were sharing what happened during the session, what they have heard, and what they did. Well, there are some things that some students never shared to anyone but the session made them open it up. I wouldn't share what some of my students found out from their classmates, and it's a realization for them to understand each other and of course to understand these kids..what they have been undergoing in such a young age. But thinking of it, what's the recollection is all about..
     Every Retreat and Recollection is a SPIRITUAL ENCOUNTER with GOD, meant to be a venue for silence, prayer, reflection and renewal. This Recollection is a special moment, each year, which would hopefully facilitate this meeting with God, so as to bring about transformation. A true spiritual experience brings about change in values, attitudes and convictions, rendering persons more “Christ-like” - this is the heart of all the goals and objectives of the Retreat and Recollection Program. As every students who had undergone a recollection program, each had their own story to tell, experiences to share and a reflection to think about. It is knowing who they are, what they have, what they will be if without God on their side or if with Him all through out their endeavors. Recollection is the time for them to bringing again their past experiences, recalling how it was, but not to mingle with these pasts but makes it a learned lesson on how they will face the present challenges in their lives and how they would walk on to their future.

     These students if properly guided and motivated can be pushed on to set and work out their goals. Though they are not the best of the best nor the cream of the crop, each has its own unique personality, special gift, and talents that they can use. Each passing day, I am discovering new things from them and the time is getting nearer for them to say goodbye to their alma mater. On Tuesday, they will receive their diploma and say, "I did not drop the class! I have graduated!"...

Mesmerized by Baguio..

     City of blooms! The summer capital of the Philippines! whatever you may call it..it's the place I've always wanted to come back to.. the mountains, its landscape, her flowers, the wind, its people. It's been a long time since my last visit to Baguio, 12 years ago..but still the memories, all that is in Baguio lingers. A happy family back then, it seems. I have 2 kids then and we went boating in the man-made lagoon in Burnham Park, took our walk up the 100 stairs, and took pictures with the Mines View Park behind us and The Mansion. Sweet memories..we even experienced a tremor at 2am.  Earthquake!   at first, I thought there was a monster opening the door since our room is connected to the other moving through a common bathroom.
Traveling 6 hours from Manila.. always excited to get there.. remember my first visit when I was in college for a leadership seminar sponsored by one of our student societies I was a member of. Six months after the July 16, 1990 earthquake when Baguio, one that was badly hit at that time.. though we could still see the ruins, its natural beauty can still be seen despite the tragedy. The warmth of the native people living there, and the rich culture, would also make you back and even wanted to live there. I think this is the place where I can really be one with nature, be what I am, be with other God's creation, It's a beautiful place..being tired of the suburbs' polluted air, the noise. it's one place that will bring you to your senses. Though I know there is a far better place than Baguio, still, her flowers leave their color in my eyes.
     One day, two days, or even three days are not enough to see the marvelous splendor of Baguio..and maybe after all these tedious days, I would go back and experience once again the different colors and blooms of Baguio.

TEACHER...TEACHER

      Being a teacher is indeed a noble profession, especially in public school settings. It's not the compensation nor the position that is important, it's the heart, the vision, the burden, and the fulfillment of teaching and guiding the students on how to learn, how to reach their goals, how to face and win the battle. We should help them to be the best person that they can be and be a great motivator to make them go on with life, a life that is worth living. Sad to say..it's not what I have been seeing with some of my colleagues. 

     Every day, my heart aches for these kids. They are not the typical students going to school with enough money in their pockets to spend during break time. They do not come from families who have much to spend on, parents who are good providers, a home with a father and a mother sharing responsibilities in taking care of them, a day without people barking and lashing out profane words, a table with food so it can sustain them throughout their class period. I have seen students running after some trucks or vans to hang out and make their back ride so they can go home, which is too dangerous for them. Some students even go to school without any food on their stomachs. What can a government do about it? and how about their parents not minding them off? And what about the teachers? Actually, some teachers spent more than what the government is giving them. 

     These kids are looking for someone who can give them the strength to carry on, many of them stop dreaming, never wanting to go into college but to get a job to sustain them. I should say, teachers could be their turning point. If nobody believes in them, teachers could be there to inspire and maybe extend some help for these kids that dreams are not impossible if they just focus and think that their dreams are just out there waiting to happen. I kept saying to my advisory class back then, never stop dreaming, dream dreams, go for it, never say I cannot; if they wanted it and if there's a will there is always a way,  there is always a reason for them to say they cannot. I have heard a colleague saying that we should promote these kids since they would never get into college anyway, and as if their life would stop from there. Teachers should inspire, and motivate them to go on, never be the one who will make them stick with what they have. Teachers should never put an end to what these kids can do. 

    However, many teachers are doing things beyond their teaching profession, though sorry for some students who had encountered teachers who took advantage of them in exchange for a diploma. Teachers asking for some "special projects" not even related to the subjects they are teaching. Whoa!,, I even heard one of my students that she was asked to buy something. Sad, but what should we do? Is it the system? Is it the people within the system? or is it the government? Yet, even the least profession being heard, this is the most tasking and beyond the nobility, one could serve. 

Unwritten Letter

I have come across a profile from a certain site and found a letter written by one of my chats. I am fascinated by what he has written and find it romantic and subtle. An unwritten letter may be for his future partner. Here's the letter he wrote...

This is a letter I write for my love...even though we've never met:

I need to be told how you feel. I need to be shown. 

I need you to communicate with me. I will listen. 

Forgive me, but when you pull me close one moment and push me away from the next;

I can't understand. I can't know what to do. 

All I know is to show you how I feel and hope for honesty and respect in return. 

I want you to have time to yourself. Yes, I want you to have friends. 

I want to also be included from time to time...as I will include you. 

I do this because I want you to know I am proud to walk beside you and I want to feel the same. 

I do this because I want you to know I have nothing to hide from you. 

I want you to KNOW I am with you, only you. I want to trust you.

No, I don't want to know all your past mistakes. They are yours and you must own them. 

I am human and have my own. I hope we both have learned their lessons. 

I want to love your imperfections. I want to love the changing lines in your face year after year. 

I know we will not always agree, but we can try and understand. 

When I walk away from an argument understand I do so 

because I know that people often say things they don't mean. 

The last thing I want to do is hurt you or reinforce doubts you have about yourself. 

I want only to lift you up. When you're sick I want to take care of you. 

I want to tuck you into bed and keep you warm. 

I'll hold your hand in public and sit beside you when we dine alone. 

I'll put my arms around you at unexpected times and at others, 

you'll look in my eyes and know I am undressing you in my mind. 

I want to send you flowers for no reason. 

I want to leave you notes in places you wouldn't expect to find them. 

Cards will come in the mail on random days. 

I want to let you know throughout your day that I am thinking of you. 

And at night, while you're asleep, I'll whisper how much you mean to me 

and hope you'll remember me in your dreams. 

I want to love and to be loved.

My Pain, My Joy

Emily Faith's 2nd bday

It was during my seven (7) months of pregnancy that I had come to know that my baby has a congenital defect. It was seen during the ultrasound test that she is hydrocephalic. When the doctor told me the baby’s condition, it was as if my whole world suddenly stopped. In all those remaining weeks of my pregnancy, I had to undergo a series of ultrasounds and was really shaken to find out that her spine is curved. Worse came to worst, my baby's back is not fully developed when she was born and she needs to undergo an immediate operation to close her back as well as to insert a shunt on her head at that time.

Life has not been that easy for us, but there is a life that has to be carried on. Though doctors told me she wouldn't have good mental development, it was unfair for my baby not to let her be given a chance to see the light of this world. God is the only One who could get back what He has given.

weeks old, before the surgery

My daughter has been diagnosed with myelomeningocele or a syndrome of  Arnold Chiari malformation II. My little cuddly baby who was only 5 lbs more had undergone two (2) types of operations when she was barely a month old. One in the head for the shunt and another on her back to repair her lumbosacral. As she was growing, there is no trace that she has mental retardation as doctors had insinuated when she was still inside my womb. Now that she is four (4) years old, it pains me to see her moving from one place to another though with some limitations, because she wouldn't be able to walk due to damaged nerves in her lower extremities.

But in all of these, I have been thankful to the Lord for the special gift He has given us. We have given her the name Emily Faith Princess, after my name, and because through faith, impossibilities had become possibilities. Though there are therapies and medications needed for her to stay healthy, she’s giving us joy and laughter. That baby girl who has limitation in her movement never give us limitation for the joy, sweetness, and embraces she's always giving us.

What's More Painful?

     The "physical" definition of pain is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage or described in terms of such damage. But what about the pain that we have experienced emotionally?..well, actual and potential tissue damage is not present here. Emotional pain is what we feel inside..things that make us hurt as if we're bleeding inside.
     Pain, according to Dr. Don Ranney in his "Anatomy of Pain" says that it is a perception, not really a sensation, in the same way, that vision and hearing are. It involves sensitivity to chemical changes in the tissues and then interpretation that such changes are harmful. This perception is real, whether or not harm has occurred or is occurring. Cognition is involved in the formulation of this perception. There are emotional consequences and behavioral responses to the cognitive and emotional aspects of pain.

*image credit to sweetdelight.deviantart.com

     From that definition, I would say pain depends on what we perceive as painful, how we could tolerate a certain pressure, disaster, calamities, life-threatening situation, unacceptable words, a love loss..whatever you have in mind that could stop your world for a while. One thing is for sure.. what we think would hurt us is really painful.

     Emotional pain is not necessarily the cause of physical pain..and sometimes..emotional pain can cause physical pain. So what's more painful?... Let me see... I met an accident sixteen years ago, I was crossing the street when a car suddenly hit me and according to some witnesses, I flew 4 meters away from where I stand. Does it hurt?.. I didn't feel anything during those times because I fell unconscious and didn't even know what had happened. Just after I woke up that I had gotten to know I met an accident. I got bruises and stitches on my head. After six hours, that's when I felt the throbbing pain in my head maybe due to a shock...and every time my headaches I always remember the dreaded pain I had felt that time. After a year, I found out that my boyfriend was dating another woman not only one but two. It hurts and I will find out later this incident will have bearing on what I am going through and what I am writing now.

     As everyone perceives it, it's painful to have trusted someone and yet you found out he doesn't deserve it; very painful to have known that the baby inside your womb would not live a normal life; very painful too to have met a blow from the one you have loved most, receiving every word that you would not even thought he would say; and painful too to find out he's turning you to a fool making every bit of what he had done would take the blame on you...and later to find out he got another woman pregnant...Pain??..Yes! very painful..don't even know how I would live every bit of it. I made some mistakes but who would understand? The one I trusted so much now has lost it... Every day, the pain seethes in, losing my respect for the person I have been with for the past thirteen years. The happier I turns to be withdrawn and make a happy face though sad within. Painful it is that I can no longer say such words as tears began rolling on my face again...and up to you what you think is more painful...